I had an ineffible experience of complete immersion in the now

I don’t know how I can even attempt to explain what happened to me, but I will do my best. But first I’ll go into some detail of my past.

I have been, for the past 5-7 years, something that I can best describe as “irrationally happy”. I am virtually never angry; I am understanding, patient, and nurturing in my human interaction, even with strangers; I eat a strictly compassionate diet; and so on. However, while this side of me has been growing and producing exponentially more satisfaction to be alive, another part of me has grown with it. My anxiety (fear) has always been a stowaway in my mind. Although I am never angry, I am constantly fearful. I also have a bit of shame and guilt, thinking about my past mistakes and how I am never living up to my potential, despite doing far more for my growth than I perceive others doing for themselves. This has led me to a few suicidal spirals in the past year, as this stress has compounded, and has led me to seriously question my sanity. Ultimately, my moods hit extremes (in a non-bipolar manner)—I will be overwhelmed by beauty and find myself sobbing in pleasure; or I will be surrounded by darkness and find myself wanting to end all of my suffering through death, as it seems to be the only permanent release.

Yesterday, however, something occurred that was very psychedelic in nature. Substance wise, I had been smoking marijuana, but the experience was on par with some of my most intense psychedelic episodes. I was reading “The Power of Now”, by Eckhart Tolle (pick up this book!!), and I had been reading about how anxiety is actually fear of the future. I read about all the ways that my ego’s manifestation as a “self” creates time gaps that can be reconciled only through suffering and denial of the present moment. Then, an inexplicable realization hit me, as this text was talking about ending the concept of time within yourself: if there was EVER going to be a time where I’m satisfied with my fitness, my life, my diet, my skills, my hobbies, and my emotional state, how come it be any time other than right now? I’m constantly thinking about how *later* my life will be so much better and eventually I will find this salvation in the future to save me from the suffering in my now. How ridiculous!! The only moment I’ve ever had in my life has been right now. And although I can’t instantly change all the things that I perceive as bad in my life, I can change my attitude about them. And my attitude has always been the problem, not my life itself. In fact, why even have an attitude? I don’t need to access my brain to observe my breathing, my surroundings, and to be immersed in the present. I only need my mind to solve actual problems that inhibit where I’m going at this moment. Since the only time I can ever stop suffering is *NOW*, the answer cannot possibly be found in future. I must bring my fears and my guilt into the present and deal with it now. What’s missing from this present moment? If I’m not present now, when will I be?

At this point I am hallucinating. The text I am trying to read is dancing vividly and bouncing and bending all sorts of directions. When I close my eyes, I see intense visuals of never-ending bonds between energy, creating a perfectly symmetrical pattern that can be zoomed into infinitely to find deeper complexity. I have seen this before and it’s only what I can explain as “the universe”, because it holds within it every possible happening while maintaining the size and form of…well, every *thing*. I notice that I am overwhelmed with happiness. My back doesn’t hurt anymore. And I start laughing to myself—how simple this was. How INCREDIBLY EASY the solution to all my problems have been. I have a very powerful mind, and I have spent my life thinking that I will achieve greatness and be a savior of the planet by curing the cancer that is the human mind. I have been trying to think my way out of thinking.

How silly.

International news and politics are a stage

so sick of hearing about how important gay marriage and legalizing marijuana are. Obviously these things should have happened a long time ago, but none of this shit matters. Boston marathon bombing—tragedy, sure. Increasingly huge prison populations—I agree, it’s a shame and it’s a disaster. International bankers financially enslaving the world’s peoples? I sure hate that too.

How are we supposed to find the HUMANITY in humans when we are still ignoring the amount of devastation we subject our planet to? The earth won’t last another generation of humans living like this. We’re so caught up in materialism and our everyday lives and our “careers” that we can’t see the transient nature of the universe. Everything is fleeting. There’s going to be a serious drop in human population when the planet’s ecosystem bears the changes our pollution is forcing. All of our huge personal problems and ambitions won’t matter than, they will fade to dust, just as the collapsing stars that created us did billions of years ago.

If we think there’s a single cause more important than environmental sustainability, we’re disastrously mistaken. I’m not saying these other causes aren’t important…it pains me more than many can imagine thinking about the global rape of women and how much exploitation there is. I am a womanist, after all.

But the fact is if you’re not focused on the environment, then you’re focused on lesser issues that will be meaningless when our biosphere transforms to one that can’t support humans.

Oh, and by the way, if you consider yourself an environmentalist and you aren’t a vegan, then you’re lying to yourself. The biggest change you can make for the environment, as one person, is to stop supporting animal farming.

You CANNOT be an environmentalist and a meat eater. Break the meat addiction and free your mind while living a life of compassion and caring.

The year is 2012, 11 years after that awful day. Although I won’t soon forget the tragedy of September 11, I’d sooner forget IT than the years of misery and evil that have been inflicted on the United States and the rest of the world since. I’ll never forget how seemingly simple and easy it has been to create an underclass of people from the Middle East and people who looked like they might be. I won’t soon forget the debt of foreign wars targeted at an idea rather than a defeatable enemy. I won’t soon forget an intentionally cultivated climate of fear and how many lives that’s ruined. I won’t soon forget how Muslim women have been painted as voiceless and weak victims of the terrible evil Muslim man. I won’t soon forget the pissing on the bodies, the drone strikes, civilian deaths, disappearing civil rights,Guantanamo Bay, the mutilation and murder of thousands. And I’ll never forget how easy it was to get caught up in the hate and imperial propaganda and I’ll do my best to never let my guard drop like that again. That is the task of this generation, to never forget the legacy of 911 and never do again what our mothers and fathers have done to this world.

thepeoplesrecord:

~Robert